Oh, sorry, did you think I was actually riding around at midnight in beachwear with a cocktail?  Silly, I only do that on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays.  Alas, today is Thursday, so I am takin’er easy tonight.  I actually do really like to ride at night, especially as it gets hotter out during the day.  I know visibility is the issue, but I gottalotta lights people, so I consider the large drop in traffic to be a neutralizing factor.

Actually, the dangerous world of cycling that I want to talk about is the aspect of it that I am partaking in right now.  I’m not so young that I don’t remember the days when you pretty much HAD to go to your local bike shop and buy your bike shit from a human being.  I’m 29 and I still wish to this day that I hadn’t sold my chrome Dyno VFR in high school to pay for baseball gear, and I still remember getting that bike when I was probably 10-12 years old.  I went with my parents to the bike store, looked at the GTs, Dynos, Mongooses (before they sold out), and settled on that bad boy.  After test riding it, pieces of green and off-white paper changed hands, and the Dyno came home in mom’s minivan.  NO people, the scourge that has infiltrated my cycling world is the internet.  I can buy anything from a steer tube badge of a skull and crossbones (currently in my ebay watching folder: $7.00 + 2.95 s&h) to a carbon fiber/sram red equipped/wheels made of rainbows/grip tape made from unicorn leather/tires inflated by the breath of Falcor from The Neverending Story/ 56 cm racing machine that was “only raced one time, never laid down, and treated to a milk bath and a deep tissue frame massage by Jurgen the masseuse after every ride.”  Of course, I will have to throw down $3500 for the privilege, but homeboy has done his research and isn’t going to look at any lowball offers.  I offer $900, and the power of Greyskull is now mine in bike form; apparently knocking over 2 grand off your asking price isn’t a lowball.

But wait, I also need a new helmet because the current one makes me look like a dork with a huge head ( I am, and I wear a size 8 fitted hat), and a new on-bike pump (or 2, because the deal is “too good to pass up”), and new handlebars (because carbon is cooler, so suck it if you don’t like it), and chain lube, and a new chain, and bar tape, and a new saddle, and a bashguard, and new brake pads with a different compound, and a seat bag, and an LED headlight, and lighter pedals, and………………………….holy shit, stop the madness.  Hey internet, screw you for making this equation the most dangerous aspect of my cycling life: Checking account balance+alcohol intake+computer access+delusion that “this will make a big difference in my riding”= buying all this shit without knowing when I will get back out on the bike and just friggin’ ride, man.  Just ride.